That Particular Time
by cheezmunky
Summary: A PostTwilight TATE fic.  What else do I write?  lol.  It's a one shot.  Enjoy.


The song is entitled "That Particular Time" and is by Alanis Morisette. I love her stuff. NCIS and its characters do not belong to me. They are the property of Bellisarius Productions and Paramount. I'm only borrowing them. I remembered this fic was in my deadjournal from a long time ago. Keep in mind this is a rough draft. Enjoy. No characters were harmed in the making of this fic.

Anthony DiNozzo stood on the balcony of his chic fifth floor apartment in New York City. He sipped at his cognac as a bittersweet melody floated out through the French doors to compete with the cacophony of the New York traffic.

_At that particular time love encouraged me to leave  
At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me  
That particular month was harder than you'd believe, but I still left  
At that particular time_

One month earlier...

_My foundation was rocked  
my tried and true way to deal  
was to vanish  
My departures were old  
I stood in the room  
shaking in my boots_

Tony let out a short, soft laugh. How true. Each time something went wrong with his life, he left. In Philadelphia, his partner was shot when a drug bust got ugly. The guilt of losing the man who had become the brother he'd never had had consumed him. And he left-  
his resignation hidden under a stack of case files on his lieutenant's desk, his gun and badge on the cluttered filing cabinet in the corner. By the time anyone figured out what had happened, he'd been in Baltimore for two days.  
Too ashamed and guilt ridden to attend the funeral, Tony had quietly paid his respects long after the last straggler had gone. Then he had moved on.

But this was a whole new bag. Standing in the torrential downpour in front of Kate's grave, watching the diggers bulldoze the dirt over her casket, Tony couldn't get the damned song to leave him- or the memories to fade...

"That's right, Tony. I have it too."  
Tony's heart dropped and the sheer magnitude of what he'd done to her momentarily left him breathless.  
"Oh, Kate. I'm sorry."  
"Not as sorry as you're going to be. I'm going to make your life HELL!"  
"You can't be worse than plague."  
Kate tilted her head and raised her eyebrows haughtily.  
"Maybe you can." He turned to the doctor and Nurse Emma. "Maybe she can."...

A small smile tugged at the corner of Tony's mouth, even as a tear slipped down his cheek. Through all their bickering, and belying the innuendo, in the past two years they had formed a bond strong enough for Kate to risk her life so he wouldn't face death alone. With her firm refusal to leave, she'd crossed the boundary of platonic friendship, and he had seen it in her eyes...

_At that particular time, love had challenged me to stay  
At that particular moment, I knew not to run away again  
That particular month, I was ready to investigate with you.  
At that particular time..._

Kate had been the one to drive him home from the hospital's quarantine that Friday. She didn't leave his side until Monday morning when she had had to leave for work, her sea bag having provided sufficient supplies for her chaste weekend with him. Involving women, it was the strangest experience of his life. He was too weak to do much more than walk to the bathroom and back without wheezing. But Kate had prepared a variety of soups he had eaten in bed with her. He hadn't been in bed with a woman- fully clothed- since he was a toddler taking refuge from the storm in his parent's bed. But with Kate... it was nice.

She'd lain beside him at night, and when he would wake up coughing, she had gently rubbed his back until the episode had subsided before propping more pillows behind him and falling back to sleep in his arms. The closest they'd come to kissing that weekend was when she had brushed her lips against his forehead as he drifted off to sleep. And he had been content with it.

_At that particular time love encouraged me to wait  
At that particular moment it helped me to be patient  
That particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant  
At that particular time..._

As the bulldozer drove away, Tony slowly blinked away a tear to mix with the rain cascading down his face at the thought of what 'us' had meant to him and Kate.

"Tony, if there's going to be an 'us', we need to talk about the possible ramifications." She'd spoken up seriously one night.  
Tony turned from doing the dishes to face her, using a dish towel to dry his hands before clasping hers in his own.  
"There's no such thing as rule twelve, Katie. We're professionals. If we continue to keep this life separate from work, Gibbs won't have a problem with it. I promise."  
Kate searched his eyes deeply before responding with a relieved sigh as Tony leaned his forehead against hers. "Should we tell him anyway?" She asked in resignation.  
"I'll tell him on Monday." Tony breathed as he gently captured her lips in their first kiss.

He had told Gibbs on the elevator ride up to the bullpen on his first morning back at work. Their boss had simply accepted it with a pointed look and a gruff, "keep it out of the office. And if you hurt her...".

Looking back now, Gibbs needn't have bothered. The next day at twilight, a bullet claimed Kate's life.

_I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself  
And yet I wanted to save us, high water or hell...  
_  
'I only wished for you to have all that you wanted. But I can't help but to selfishly wish you'd been shot in the chest, so I'd have had the chance to say, "I love you" one more time. I know you wanted to go quickly and painlessly, but I never got to say goodbye. No one saw it coming. Except for maybe you, Katie.'  
"Except for maybe you..."

They had found Ari, though. And he hadn't survived Gibbs shooting him in the face. What goes around...  
But in the few days it had taken to destroy the man who had shattered their world around them, Tony had changed into almost a completely different person. And he knew Kate would have been disappointed in him.

_And in the meantime I lost myself  
In the meantime I lost myself  
I'm sorry I lost myself  
I am..._

And staring at the rain beating the tarp tied down over fresh earth in front of his best friend's tomb stone, Tony cried freely, silently, at what circumstances and fate were once again forcing him to do.  
Kissing the rose in his right hand, Tony placed it on the muddied tarp. And as he turned around to walk away, he whispered one last, choked, "I love you, Katie" before vanishing into the rain.

_At that particular time love encouraged me to leave  
At that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me  
That particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left  
At that particular time..._


End file.
